So I thought I had another day that I could put this off, but it looks like I have to work double-time to get all of the previews up. So here they go in no particular order with their equivalent Spaceballs quote:
UPDATE (Okay, this didn’t turn out really short)
C.J. Miles - BARF - “I told you we should’ve put more that five bucks worth in.”
Maybe CJ should have showed up to the Revue? Now he’s the third or fourth option at SG. Seems to be buried on the bench once again. If Brewer gets into early foul trouble and Giricek is knocked out, and Price/Hart aren’t too busy, Miles might see some PT.
Ronnie Price - LONE STARR - “Go to hyperjets.”
Speed and a nice dunk is all I’ve seen out of Price so far. He doesn’t look like he’s picked up the Jazz system yet. Not good. He’s got the third string PG position locked up due to having no other PGs. He lost out to Hart for Deron’s table scraps. He will turn into a serviceable backup at sometime though, right?
Mehmet Okur - YOGURT “Ha, ha, ha, come. Walk this way. Take a look. We put the pictures name on everything. Merchandising. Merchandising.”
The Dimes spokesman Memo will continue to give opposing fits on the offensive end but usually gives it back on defense. He’s probably the biggest beneficary of AK’s help on D. Okur was an All-star last year in part to his clutch shooting and Utah’s hot start. He probably won’t be one again, but will give the Jazz a consistent outside threat. With him on the outside, that will leave room for Booz, AK, and Millsap to gobble up offensive boards.
Jarron Collins - SKROOB, HELMET, SANDURZ - “Suck. Suck. Suck.”
Although some might think this belongs to Matt Harpring, no one has sucked more than Collins. If you were picking teams for a pickup game and Harping and Collins were left, who would you pick?Although Fesenko outplayed Collins in the pre-season, Jarron will keep his starting backup job. I don’t know what the expectations would be from Collins this year. He’s not quick enough to be in the lineup when teams go small. And he gets pushed around by the bigs. If Boozer’s D were better, you could put him at the 5. I always wondered why Malone didn’t play more at center. He was a few inches smaller than most centers, but physically he could hang with anyone. He gave Duncan and Robinson fits. Jarron might be smart, but smarts don’t translate to ability. And with flopping being called more this year, his only D is gone. But all is not lost:
Kyrylo Fensenko - MINISTER “What’s your name?” BARF “Barf.” MINISTER “Your full-name.” BARF “Barfolomew”
Unfortunately, Fesenko’s major contribution this year will be comedic relief. With Collins firmly entrenched in the role of “I’m only playing because of pictures I have of Sloan”, The Fess looks to have his name officially changed to “DNP - Coaches decision.” He could spend time in Orem, Flashing the fans down there. Depending on how the Jazz do out of the gate will probably affect whether he starts getting some minutes. Even though he’s an upgrade over Collins, he’ll be a nice work in progress and will be the fan favorite for at least a couple years.
Carlos Boozer - LONE STARR “I just found out. That’s what this says. I’m an honest to God prince.”
At least I think that’s what all of his tatoos mean. I hope the next one is some cryptic message stating: 2007-08 NBA champs. In his first (mostly) healthy year for the Jazz, we finally got to see why the Jazz threw the bank at him to pull him away from Cleveland. As part of the duo that led the Jazz to the Western Conference Finals, Boozer led the team in scoring, rebounding, and FG percentage. He then picked it up in the playoffs by abusing Yao in the first round and destroying the entire front court of the Warriors in the next. He’s become one of the team leaders by his play on and off the court. He won’t compare himself to Malone, and I won’t either, but when all is said and done, we could be referring the next generations of power forwards as “the next Boozer.”
Jason Hart - HELMET “And what have we got on this thing, a Cuisinart?”
Hart’s more serviceable than a blender, and he’s won the backup job, but I have yet to be whelmed. Here’s how I see it. I have two go-to plays when playing NFL2K (I don’t play Madden and I don’t have an XBOX360 yet), a quick out to Santana Moss and a roll-out for McNabb. They have a 95% conversion rate . But after playing with this team (fantasy draft) and playbook for the last year, I decided to try another team and another playbook. Well, guess what? I don’t have my go-to plays yet. I have a couple that are vying to become my go-tos, but I’m not sold on them. If I could only have one of my old plays back, I would be set. If that doesn’t make sense, then it’s too lame to explain.
MATT HARPING - HELMET “Who made that man a gunner?”
I can’t for the life of me understand how someone who’s in such good shape can have such bad knees. I’m a half a foot shorter and 50 pounds heavier than Matt and I’m the same age. Yet, I’ve never had problems with mine. Granted, he’s a little more active than I am, but what is going on? Also, is there a stat that shows the shoot/pass ratio per touch? He’s got to be up there with Kobe and AI per 48 doesn’t he? Of course, I can’t back that up.
RONNIE BREWER - SANDURZ (gasp) “Ludicrous speed? Sir, we’ve never gone that fast before.”
The Jazz finally have a starting, athletic, defensive two guard. How will Brewer be any different from the previous 20 or so that we’ve had since Horny? First, he’s the best defensive guard we’ve had since Raja. So while the good two guards in the league may still put up 30, that’s about 20 points less than last year. Second, although he lacks a consistent jump shot, he moves well without the ball and has been getting a lot of layups and dunks as a result. And it bodes well that we have another player that can finish. Long analysis short, he’s an upgrade in almost every respect to what we’ve had. And should he play like he did in the pre-season, Fisher leaving for LA could be one of the best things that has ever happened to the Jazz.
GORDAN GIRICEK - I got nuthin
I don’t have any strong feelings towards Giricek one way or the other. He he stays, whatever. And if he’s traded, okay. But until Brewer shows for the next few months that he’s the real deal, which I think he is, then I think Giri sticks around as the coveted veteran backup. This will be the last year for Giri in Utah one way or the other. If he’s not traded, he certainly won’t be welcomed back by the Jazz. Rumors are that he’ll return overseas. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt less about a player.
ANDREI KIRILENKO - HELMET “(imitating Vespa) No, no, I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Leave me alone….yet, I find you strangely attractive. (mask down voice) Of course you do. Drewish princesses are always attracted to money and power. And I have both, and you know it. (imitating Vespa) No, leave me alone. (mask down voice) No, kiss me. (imitating Vespa) No, yes, no, yes, yes, no, no, ah, oh, oh, oh, ah, ohh, oh…”
The love/hate relationship continues with AK and Sloan. I covered this situation already, so I won’t go into much here. But for the Jazz to contend, AK has to be AK. Prety profound, I know. And is it crazy that AK could score 15-20 a game? He could gain 1-2 points a game from getting his free throw percentage back to where it was. And despite playing almost 600 more minutes than Millsap, he only took 20 more shots. If he were to get one more look from Deron a game and an extra offensive board and converted half of those, there’s another few points. I think the points are there without affecting the big three too much. Of course, I can’t back that up.
PAUL MILLSAP - YOGURT “Who knows. God willing we’ll all meet again in Spaceballs II: The Search for More Money.”
A candidate for sixth man of the year, Millsap will be looking at a big payday in a couple years. He had the potential to be a Ben Wallace with an offense. He’s a monster on the boards and was second on the team in blocks behind AK. He also has that all-too-Sloan like hustle that Jerry salivates for. This could be the year of the Mansap Crush.
